IDIOTS GUIDE TO WORKING WITH IDIOTS

progress

2012-01-29T07:35:00.000-08:00

In all my years working with the "idiots?" we have run two order books. One for the commercial orders and one for the domestic. Up until the present time this system has worked quite well. Yes I agree it's not perfect. Certain fellow co.workers "idiots?" don't remember to write the order in the book. The same fellow co. workers don't remember to tick the order when they make it even if they do remember to write it in the book. But hey ho that's the way it is. NOW it's all about to change, our order system is going computerised. Some of us have embraced this change as inevitable progress. Some of my fellow co. workers are trying to resist the change by putting obstacles in the way. In the middle of the week last week we were trying to iron out a few wrinkles. A fellow co. worker tried a few blocking tack ticks to slow progress. AND THEN "PUFF" the end of the tether was reached by husband boss "idiot?" as he's the person who has spent hours and hours working on the new ordering system. He lost the plot completely and said to the fellow co. worker in question "Listen you're between sixty five and sixty seven you're nearly dead so what's it go to do with you!" I WAS LOST FOR WORDS. I've got the reputation for being out spoken and he took the biscuit. The rest of the "idiots?" looked on in stunned silence.

No Sense - of direction

2012-01-17T06:32:00.000-08:00

I have no sense of direction. But it appears one of my fellow co. workers "idiots?" is worse than me. Today he has to make a delivery and he keeps telling me the route he's going to take. Even I who doesn't know my left from my right, my up from my down, and forget north east south west, knows what he's telling me is the wrong way.BUT I can't make him understand he's going the WRONG way!!

Gok Whan

2012-01-13T08:28:00.000-08:00

I am not a dedicated follower of fashion. But I am clean and tidy and for my age appropriately dressed. For work I don't have a uniform but I do dress in either a black skirt or trousers with a modest top (remember all the "idiots?" are men) this week has been reasonably mild up until today so I have been wearing a lighter weight coat. I think it's quite nice especially for work. It's red with patch pockets and at the back it has a design feature where the fabric gathers up into a mock bow shape. This coat wasn't purchased for it's design. I purchased it in the next sale and it was cheap! Wednesday evening I put on my coat to go home not thinking about much at all I wandered into the office to say bye bye. THEN one of the "idiots?" proceeded to comment on my red coat. I can't fathom why. But he went on to comment he doesn't like the back of my coat apparently he thinks it looks silly. I'm not much bothered as I can't see the back of my coat. I'm just glad I'm not sensitive to comments made because a sensitive person could have taken offence!!

New year same old "IDIOTS?"

2012-01-04T08:02:00.000-08:00

Monday afternoon I was sat at home enjoying my last hours before the start of another year with my fellow co. workers. My home phone rang. My spider senses told me it would be a fellow co. worker giving me an excuse why he couldn't come to work on Tuesday. I was right. It was the usual suspect. Avid blog readers with know all about my fellow co. worker who is a hypochondriac. I just knew it would be him. "I'm not well. I've got a cold. I'll be in on Wednesday." Once again my spider senses told me Wednesday would come and go and he would still not turn up. Once again I was right this morning the phone went. He croaked and moaned that he was still poorly and will try and pop in tomorrow. Another fellow co. worker who like me has worked here along time needed to ask this "idiot?" a question so I transferred the call. I couldn't wait to ask him if the "idiot?" forgot to carry on the pretence after five minutes of conversation. I didn't get the opportunity to ask. My fellow co. worker bounded out of the back office smiling to himself and said "after a few moments he was talking normally." sadly we both knew this would be the case. I get the feeling this year is going to be much the same as last year.The kidders amongst us will be thinking there pulling the wool over our eyes when in reality there just being predictable!

Just make up the rules why don't you!

2011-12-21T02:51:00.000-08:00

In carpet retail it's all over bar the shouting.We work up until Friday but in the great scheme of things it's all done. Orders placed fittings organised. Yes we're waiting for a few last minute deliveries but apart from disasters we're not doing a whole lot in the shop until we return in January.Yesterday afternoon turned into a bit of a social. a couple of reps. came in bearing gifts which was lovely. A box of handmade cup cakes went down well with the sparkly edible glitter. And we even received a big box with choccies diaries champagne and wine. We were enjoying a beverage with the bearers of these gifts when the rules changed. Up sneaked a fellow co. worker and said in my ear "I'm off now I've got nothing else to do." It was 3 o'clock this fellow co. worker knew I couldn't do anything. I was trapped with gift bearers. So off the "idiot?" sloped. This morning in he came full of the joys of the season (NOT!).And then I enquired "What was that all about yesterday?". His reply was he had nothing to do. Well I've got news for him. If I'm staying here until my allotted finish time so is he!

I don't bloody believe it

2011-12-06T04:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday in mooched a fellow co. worker "idiot?". He ummed and ahhed a bit. And then said "I don't feel too good today. Is it all right if I work until lunch time and then go home?" I looked at him and believe it or not I fell for it. I thought oh he looks unwell so I agreed. As the morning went on the "idiot?" fellow co. worker got brighter and brighter and completely forgot the dying swan act. At about 12.30 he walked past my desk with his sandwiches in his hand. Hang on thought I, your working until lunch time but you're eating your lunch in the hours your working. Summats not right. Then the telephone rang. A mysterious stranger was meeting my fellow co. worker at 1 o'clock. The fellow co. worker wasn't ill at all the bloody "idiot?" hadn't thought this through at all. It was obvious he had arranged to meet this guy for one reason or another and had decided in his wisdom to pretend he was poorly to gain the afternoon off without argument. Today this fellow co. worker mooched in again. Absolutely steaming angry because the mysterious stranger hadn't actually purchased the item he had viewed yesterday that was for sale on e-bay. You would think he would at least have had the decency to carry on the charade for a couple of days instead of completely taking the piss!

Movember

2011-11-19T01:05:00.000-08:00

Avid blog followers know I don't like November. It's the busy time in carpet retail, and yes I know we should be grateful it's busy and I really truly am grateful.
BUT Movember is adding to my troubles. As expected a fellow co. worker "idiot?" came back from his holidays sporting "The Beard!" Not a nice tidy trendy neat affair. NO a bushy unruly straggly curly affair. He seems quite pleased with results I am NOT. I will stand by word I did tell him if he could grow a beard in his time off it would be acceptable at work. I'm hoping he will get bored with it very quickly and shave it off but I fear just to annoy me it's going to be staying for a while.

What's it all about?

2011-11-03T12:01:00.000-07:00

I can't fathom it. My fellow co. workers "idiots?" just don't seem to get it. This morning out popped an "idiot?" from the back office. "I can't find ****** folder." This would be a work folder need for today. "Don't be stupid" said I. "No one was in your office yesterday. I was working on my own. It doesn't have legs. Go back and have another look." Off he popped. The folder wasn't mentioned again. And the boys went off to there job. I can only assume the folder turned up! A little bit later a fellow co. worker "idiot?" phoned up moaning quite what he expected me to do to solve his problems I do not know. He winged away and then put the phone down. I can only assume he solved the problems for himself! perhaps I should start a help line. Wingers anonymous phone me with all your problems and they'll solve themselves. I might just give that a go.

I want to grow a beard

2011-10-29T01:14:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I have issues with a fellow co. worker "idiot?" we disagree that appearance matters. Now we can't come to work dressed up to the nines because believe it or not selling carpet can be a mucky job. We get covered in fluff, we spend a lot of time crawling about on the floor displaying things and measuring can be risky with wet paint etc. BUT my motto is you never get a second chance to make a first impression. My fellow co. worker even has a uniform he is supplied with a polo shirt and I expect him to wear black trousers black shoes and a black jumper if it's cold. I also expect him to have tidy hair and be clean Shaven unless he has enough time off to grow a proper beard which I would accept. This week this has been a problem. Monday in he popped wearing a random navy polo shirt not the black polo shirt provided. His hair was tidy but he was not clean shaven. This always causes me concern should I just ignore it or do I challenge him? I chose to ignore until lunch time when husband "boss idiot?" came in. He asked me to have a word with my fellow co. worker. So I did. Apparently he didn't have any clean work polo shirts. This baffles me as he hadn't worked the weekend. How long does it take to wash and dry a few polo shirts? not long I think. Tuesday came around my fellow co. worker was in the correct T shirt but he still hadn't shaved his trousers needed mending at the pockets and his hair was messy. I had another word. Wednesday was better correct polo shirt trousers mended and he'd had a shave. His shoes needed a polish but I kept quiet. Peace rained over us until yesterday. I think my fellow co. worker was feeling brave because he's on a ten day holiday now. We had just eaten lunch when he brought up the subject of his appearance. He informed me I have spoiled his efforts to grow a beard and he thinks I'm out of order. I informed him if he can grow a beard in any time off he is welcome to come to work with a beard. I will not accept him coming to work looking unkempt whilst he endeavours to grow a beard. He then informed his ten day holiday is not long enough for him to grow a full beard. I don't know what he expects me to do. We have had the beard conversation many times he knows the score but keeps on pushing me to change my mind. This is not going to happen. Job in show room with me means you need to wear your correct polo shirt, black trousers, black jumper if required, have tidy hair and be clean shaven. I can't make it any clearer. I don't know how it's going to be on his return. I'm thinking he's going to have some scraggy facial growth and it's going to start all over again.

What holiday?

2011-10-27T04:57:00.000-07:00

Just over a week since I returned from my holiday and I've forgotten I had one. Last week was horrendous. On the Monday (the day I last blogged) first day back at work and all that I was knackered. I managed to stumble through the day some how. But I was delighted to see the end of it. Off I went home did a few jobs eat my meal and being the party animal I am went to bed to watch Doc. Martin. As I said I was extremely tired and just about managed to watch the Doc. for an hour and then it was good night from me. I was awoken from my blissful slumber by the phone ringing. I tried to ignore it and put my pillow over my head. But it wouldn't stop. At this point I registered how annoying the ring tone selected is. Husband "idiot?" leaped out of bed and answered the call. It was our fellow co. workers "idiots?" who were working nights at Cheltenham hospital. " We're very sorry but we have blown the transformer. And we need you to deliver another one." Granted it was only 11.45 but I was in a deep sleep and not at all happy to be awoken. I could hear hubby saying "No problem give me an hour and I'll be there." I was thinking oh shit! of course he was still in holiday mode and had enjoyed a drink or two with his meal. I had not. There was no way he was going to be able to drive the van. I stumbled about in my nightie I knew I needed to put on clothes but as we had the builders in whilst we were away I had no idea where anything was. I found some jeans and jumper and on they went on top of my nightie of course. Off we went I was freezing. It was blowing a gale and peeing down with rain. Just two days before I was complaining I was too hot and seeking the shade.What a difference a day makes!! Any way we agreed to meet a fellow co. worker "idiot?" just outside Gloucester and fair enough he was at the agreed rendezvous point at the appointed time. I pulled in and out of his van he jumped. It was about 12.30 and he was eating a banana I thought I was going to part with my tea there and then it really turned my stomach. I didn't get out the van. Hubby handed over the new transformer they had a little conflab and then we headed back to home. I thought fabulous I'll just get back into bed and go straight to sleep. BUT NO I spent the rest of the night watching the clock tick around I just couldn't get warm and get back to sleep. The boys are doing nights again next week so I'm going to unplug the phone.

Ray of sunshine

2011-10-17T07:46:00.000-07:00

I'm back from my sunshine break. My fellow co. workers "idiots?" have been left alone for one week. I think the break has done them good. I know for sure the break has done me the world of good.
On my travels I was lucky enough to meet many interesting people. Budgie (I named him this) and Mrs Budgie. This couple were to be found every day lounging by the sea. As his name would indicate Budgie wore the smallest swimmers I have ever seen in my life. He had a different design for every day of the week. Leopard skin snake print, zebra print you name it he had the design. At over six feet tall he strutted his stuff for all and sundry to admire. Vlad and Mrs Vlad (my name for this couple) this pair could be found every day in the sauna, be it the ladies or gents in they went together for hours at a time. Then they would pop out for an hour and then back in how much time can you spend in a sauna? I expected to see them melted in a heap on the floor. Then there was big Carl (not his real name) he'd hired a bike and off in to the mountains he went clad in his lycra gear. At dinner he was with a lady. I couldn't work it out was it his friend? was it his sister? they didn't seem to have a lot in common. He would stride out for a long walk swim in the sea or ride his bike. She was no where to be seen until dinner time when they shared the same table. On our last day it turned out big Carl and his WIFE yes they were married shared the same flight as us. We got chatting as we waited for our taxis to the airport. We discussed the pleasant walk from the hotel to the port where we had passed big Carl on several occasions. "Oh" said his wife "that walk was too far for me so I hired a bike." All the occasions we had seen big Carl racing up the road she was riding her bike up the road because she was too lazy to take a twenty minute walk. When we got on to the plane home big Carl even swapped his seat so he didn't even sit by her on the way home. I'm sure they will have a long and happy marriage seen as they don't meet up very much.

Rubber balls

2011-09-22T07:16:00.000-07:00

Carpet reps. are like rubber balls -they keep bouncing back to you- they leave one supplier and join another very quickly and they then expect you to change your allegiance to the new company. This week I have had the misfortune to receive a visit from one such rubber ball. He has already called on me wearing his new company hat before this visit. Where I lost two hours of my life hearing the story how the new company head hunted him. He's quite a tall plumpish man with a liking for pink shirts and matching ties. This combo. goes very well to match his ruddy colouring and ginger moustache. One of his foibles is when he's telling you how important and clever he is he inevitably starts to twitch and bristle with the excitement of his story. This does make concentrating and trying to look interested just that little bit harder. This week he told me the same old stories with just a little embellishment here and there. And I thought I was doing a great job pretending to listen. And then he topped it. In his words "The new company treat me just like a god." I've got news for him. If his figures don't match expectations he's going to be shopping for a new hat regardless of his perceived god like status. Welcome to the real world rubber ball!!

Junk mail

2011-09-19T07:39:00.000-07:00

What a Monday. We have had a most unusual day. There can't possibly be another person in the Forest of Dean who needs to come in or telephone with a bizarre request or question. If this was not enough reason to have the Monday blues I don't know what is. Some of my fellow co. workers "idiots?" have had genuinely trying weekends for one reason or another. And I myself did not get the planned restful weekend I had hoped for. But once again a particular fellow co. worker "idiot?" has taken the biscuit.
In he trooped this morning twenty minutes late "you've got a really busy day" I said. "you need to get going now or you wont fit it all in." He ignored me and drank a cup of tea. Eventually after much persuasion he went off in his van. Five minutes later he was back. He'd forgotten a folder he needed to take. Off he went again. A few hours later he has returned. He sat down to eat his lunch "I've had a terrible weekend" he said. I thought oh my god is it his pussy? could his wife not find her umbrella?(see old blog posts) has he hurt his back? NO it was because he'd spent yesterday sorting his junk mail. Apparently it took him six and a half hours. In his words "I've had a really bad weekend. I had to apologise to M****** (his wife) because I was really p***ed off. I had to open all the envelopes to see what was inside and burn the contents." I'm not really sure why he thinks he's the only person who has to do this. I've never come in to work and complained that sorting my junk mail has ruined my weekend. And now I'm really worried how he'll cope should a real disaster occur in his life. I sometimes wonder is he for real??

Pot kettle Black

2011-09-06T06:08:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately of late we've suffered from an outbreak of selfishness among our crew. My fellow co. workers "idiots?" have forgotten they're employed to do a job of work, and each of them in turn in one way or another over the last month or so have decided that they can do just as they please. If they want a holiday they've taken one with not much notice and absolutely no consideration for others. If they've got a problem some how it's become my problem.And to be perfectly honest I've had enough.
Today an "idiot?" took the biscuit. A measure was organised for 10.30 "you'll have to change that" he said I've got a rep. coming at 10.00. I moaned a bit about customers being the most important thing and reps. well they don't matter. But I phoned and changed the appointment anyway. The next measure was booked for 11.30 "you'll have to change that" the "idiot?" said again "I've got a bad back again. And I'm going away for the week end and the only appointment I can get for treatment is 12.30." I was not happy to say the least. For the last few weeks this "idiot?" has been telling me that our other fellow co. workers need to toe the line and realise which side their bread is buttered etc. etc. etc. How we can't organise the work around their needs they need to fit around the work. And he's got the audacity to make the whole day fit around his needs!

All forgotton

2011-08-29T02:19:00.000-07:00

Friday was hysterical. Poorly pussy old news. Bad back forgotten. My fellow co. worker "idiot?" had a puncture the angst that entailed took over any problems he thought he already had. In he dashed and I mean dashed "Hi Lynford Christie" I said. The irony of this comment was lost on him. Out he dashed to get his tyre fixed he didn't even bother to say goodbye. All I saw was a fast moving blurr. All I could make out was he was wearing his christmas cardie with the fur trimmed hood. It must be the season to break out the winter wardrobe.

Pussy's on the back burner

2011-08-22T07:11:00.000-07:00

Oh my, my fellow co. worker "idiot?" has had to put his pussy problem on the back burner. Friday I reminded him it was his turn to work Saturday. This went down like a lead balloon. How was he to manage his pussy's medication? I reminded him he's got a wife and she's perfectly able to do this.So the matter was dealt with. Today my fellow co. worker has got an ailment. Now regular followers of my blog know this fellow co. worker "idiot?" loves an ailment. This morning all my fellow co. workers "idiots?" apart from me and the owner of pussy are at site on a big job that has to be finished by Wednesday. So me and the other "idiot?" knew we were going to have a busy couple of days. He was going out to do a latex this morning to help out. I could see when he walked in all lop sided any notion of him being helpful was out the window. He huffed puffed and winced and the only thing on his mind was getting as much attention mileage out of this back problem as possible.He has gone to do a measure but all other tasks for him are on hold because he's going home after the measure because he feels "out of sorts" I am now left alone and poor pussy is looking after itself.

Great news (not!)

2011-08-19T01:40:00.000-07:00

Great news for all in the retail industry. Billions of pounds have been wiped off the financial market over night, so we all have even less money to spend than when we went to bed. Why oh why they think they have to inform us every five minutes about this doom and gloom I do not know.
When I listen to the news every day I thank him upstairs that the "idiots?" and I are still managing to please our customers.I suppose the great news is that although I think the boys are "idiots?" they know what they're doing when it comes to flooring and that's all that counts!

Update from Monday

2011-08-17T02:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my fellow co. worker with the poorly pussy came in on time for a change. He sauntered about a bit and then informed he wasn't feeling well because his pussy being poorly has "shook him up" not to mention his telephone has now broken and it's been an expensive weekend for him. He then told me he thought he might have to finish work at lunch time to collect the poorly pussy from the vets. Any how the vet telephoned shortly after to inform my fellow co. worker "idiot?" that Mr Sylvie the poorly pussy needed another night in the poorly pussy hospital. I don't know if it was the fact that it was going to cost £100 extra on his bill for the extra night in the poorly pussy hospital or the fact that he would have to work all day that upset my fellow co. worker the most but he was not a happy chappy. The next telephone call we got was from J*** the arrogant rep. who thinks I'm invisible. He had phoned just to make sure that the scant information I was able to give him on his visit the previous day was correct. Me being only a woman the fact that I told him the product he peddles is actually very good and we will continue to use it may have been incorrect!!
I am hopeful that today Mr Sylvie the poorly pussy is going to come home. But I am slightly concerned that my fellow co. worker may have to stay home and pander to his poorly pussy's whims. I will update you when I know.

Invisible

2011-08-15T08:12:00.000-07:00

I don't know how or why but we have a rep. that thinks I don't exist. I've told him before not to do this but in he came again today and said "oh is no one here n***" and once again I said " No J*** I'm bloody invisible" what he means is are any of the fellas here but once again he p***ed me off. Then in came a customer for nosings, now I knew exactly what he wanted and the right questions to ask. But oh no J*** answered all the questions for me. I let him have his head and then said to the customer "I answered all that without opening my mouth." Still this bloody arrogant man chuntered on as if I didn't exist. And then he wondered why I didn't want to exchange pleasantries with him. My god some times I think we're still in the dark ages in the flooring industry.

paws for thought

2011-08-14T10:06:00.000-07:00

My Sunday peace and quiet has been shattered. A fellow co.worker "idiot?" came banging on my door just as I was cooking my Sunday roast. In he walked doing a brilliant impression of someone who has had or is having a major crisis. OH NO thought I. Not this week, as I know this week is going to be SHIT. We are short staffed and over worked. He sat down and said "I'm telling you now because I don't want to tell you tomorrow. I'm having problems this week." OH NO thought I he's suffered a loss of some kind or a major kind of family problem. He sighed and puffed and then said "my cats ill it's been in a fight." Now I don't want to seem unsympathetic BUT this "idiot?" has a responsible job he has commitments he has fulfil I need a better reason than a poorly cat for him not to be in work tomorrow giving his all. He better get his ass in gear and his head out of the clouds we got some serious shit to sort this week!

Today is a disaster.

2011-08-01T06:56:00.000-07:00

You can tell it's Monday. Today is a disaster. First thing, in I meandered to put my lunch in the fridge. One of the "idiots?" oops fellow co. worker had already put his lunch in. I don't know how he didn't notice the fridge was full of water. A fellow co. worker had turned the fridge off on Saturday and not switched it back on. Off to Tesco I went to purchase fresh milk. On my return I was informed one of the fitters now had one job on today instead of three. He was not a happy bunny! another fellow co. worker went to place an order for a job that's going down this week NO STOCK stock production expected mid September!! as this day has worn on things have not improved. At ten o'clock I had only consumed one cuppa this is unheard of I need at least three before ten thirty. Now to top it all an "idiot?" oops again. Has cut his hand and been for a hospital visit and we have a bed delivery this afternoon that requires two able bodied males. I am hoping against all hope tomorrow is a better day.

Electricity update

2011-07-13T04:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the admin assistant to the landlord bowled in. She was carrying an electric bill for the units used before the electricity metre fiasco.She presented it with great aplomb. I looked at husband boss "idiot?" he didn't get why I was giving him the look. The admin assistant left."How did she get that bill together?" I asked husband. He didn't know what I was talking about. No one had taken a metre reading. The landlord and or his assistant had plucked a figure from the air and decided that's how much electricity we must have used. We read the metre like a normal person would do. We had used half the units he had billed us for. The bill had been returned UNPAID!!

Why would we?

2011-07-11T08:58:00.000-07:00

Friday in bowled the landlord. As bold as brass. "Hello Ni***" he said "did *** tell you we're putting a new electric metre in today?" "No" I replied. Any how the installation went ahead. As soon as the electric was turned off down came a scrote from the flats upstairs. "I don't got any electric" he said. OH NO I thought something's not right. The electrician wouldn't tell me anything. But at the end of his installation and with the persuasion of a cuppa he informed me "I think this metre is feeding upstairs." Alarm bells rang very loudly. Of course the landlord was unavailable for comment. It turned out he put a credit on the metre of £100. This morning we came in and the metre was empty. I phoned him URGENTLY! he popped in and said "well Ni*** I don't want to invoice you any more. So I had the metre put in. You put the credit on and invoice me for the electric you haven't used." How the hell is that going to work? There is no way in this world I'm feeding that metre for the scrotes upstairs and invoicing him because I know and he knows if he's honest with himself he 'aint going to pay. Frantic phone calls ensued. Husband boss "idiot?" nearly came to blows with the landlord. An electrician was called he came and tapped into the electric in our units these units are not billed by the landlord. The metre is still empty, it still feeds the flats upstairs. Because it's on business premises it wont stop the electricity until business hours are over. Oh dear I wouldn't want to live in the flats upstairs. Because they wont have any electric tonight.

Not the only "idiots?"

2011-07-04T08:40:00.000-07:00

Today I have discovered that it's not just my boys that are "idiots?". This week we're having a feature in the local free paper. Great you may think what fabulous coverage. Well it's not been quite like that. Friday up popped the chappie to do the editorial. We had a chat and off he went with his information. I had told him whilst we were chatting we didn't want any bull s***. What did he come back with? a load of old bull ****! On Friday we arranged for some photographs to be taken today. I'm photo phobic so I told him "it's imperative that people are around to go in this photo.Because I'm not doing it on my own." Straight forward and to the point. This morning at 8.45 the time we had arranged to meet, the 'phone rang. "Hi it's **** I've forgotten my camera today can we do the photo's tomorrow?" "NO" was my response "today I have people tomorrow it's just me. I'm sorry but you'll have to sort something out. Oh and by the way I've written some editorial that's nearer the truth and I'll e-mail to you." That went down well as you can imagine. Later in the morning I had a phone call a photographer had been arranged and was on his way. And I was informed although my grammar was not quite correct the paper would be using the editorial material I had written. He e-mailed it back for me to check. He had added a few dots and dashes!!

Where am I?

2011-07-01T02:39:00.000-07:00

Pay day is always an interesting event with my fellow co. workers "idiots?" you have to remind them days ahead about their time sheets. And then when you finally get them they can be an interesting read. This month they all duly filled in the sheets nearly as required. One fellow co. worker "idiot?" had filled the hours in lovely. The section where it said "site" they are supposed to fill in where they had worked on said day. This particular "idiot?" had filled in "I forget where I was!" I'm thinking he doesn't fill his time sheet in daily.

the naked truth

2011-06-17T03:26:00.000-07:00

Last night we were just closing. My fellow co. worker who cycles to work always decides to change into his lycra shorts in the warehouse was mid trouser change. In came a customer. "ooh I know you're just closing" she said "but do you mind if I quickly find some samples to take away?." Of course I turned the lights back on and helped her to select as per her requirements. As I was serving her we had a little giggle about the "idiot?" cavorting about in his boxer shorts. I wonder why he doesn't change in the toilet like a normal person!

Where do they live?

2011-06-14T02:33:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately my fellow co. workers "idiots?" seem to be tarred with the same brush. I am suffering from job sheets coming back to me with addresses scratched out and re-written with what they consider to be the address. I am fed up with saying "I write the address the customer gives me." Surely to god the customer knows where they live. Some days I think it's a conspiracy and they give me the wrong address on purpose to make me look like an "idiot?" on other days I know it's just my fellow co. workers "idiots?" writing what they think the address is which is a whole different ball game.Today husband fellow co. worker "idiot?" handed me a sheet the customer told me he lived in Lydbrook. Husband has changed it to Joys Green!!

Smile please

2011-06-03T06:11:00.000-07:00

Today I was discussing with a fellow co. worker "idiot?" my dislike of having my photograph taken. We were considering how to promote our website and one suggestion was photographs of the team. The "idiot?" I was talking to said "I know go to the beauty parlour on way in on the day of the photographs." Well I was dumbfounded I didn't say I was ugly and needed beautifying I just said I don't like having my photograph taken!!

Peddling your wares

2011-06-02T05:21:00.000-07:00

Today I was visited by two young ladies peddling their wares. What were they peddling? you may enquire. Advertising space. Does advertising work? I often ask myself this question. Before we moved to the showroom we're in now we advertised much more. The building we worked from was in a busy area but not on the high street. It was in a car park right next to a very busy bank and the back entrance to Woolworths. You would have thought every one would have noticed it. But they didn't. At least one person per day would say "I didn't know you were here." It made me wonder if all the money we spent on advertising did any good. Regardless of my doubts we still advertise. Not as much as then. We now stick to the local free paper and hope that someone will notice our ad. and pop in and purchase.
Any how when the girls arrived I was sat behind my desk alone. As usual I had upset a fellow co. worker "idiot?" it's not difficult to do. This particular "idiot?" had been over to see if we could get a vertical blind altered on the drop. He brought back a sample of the alteration. On one side there was a crease and on the other two lines of stitching.Another "idiot?" suggested steaming the louvre obviously to remove the crease. The first "idiot?" piped up "steaming wont get rid of stitch lines" now I'm not a rocket scientist but I thought this was bloody obvious and I said so. This went down like a lead balloon. He bristled and huffed and stropped off. I had obviously hit a raw nerve when I said he had made "a bloody stupid statement." He went off into the warehouse and ignored me for a while. I then managed to upset him again. A fellow co. worker "idiot?" had made an nice cup of tea. And I innocently said "That was great J** made the only nice cuppa I had yesterday." The upset "idiot?" retorted "Thanks for saying I make shit tea." I didn't say that. The not so good cups I had yesterday included some I made myself. It just wasn't a good tea day. Why? oh why? do my fellow co. wokers "idiots?" take offence to everything I say!!

Bank holiday blues

2011-06-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

With all the bank holdays we've had lately the "idiots?" and I are really finding it hard to settle into a routine. Yesterday was a typical Tuesday after Bank holiday kind of day. In we trotted. Some of us were more keen than others. One or two didn't come in at all. One of the non starters is in foreign climes so we knew he wouldn't be in. The other non starter stretched the weekend at the eleventh hour. It was busy from the time we opened the door and we were a little over stretched. Off went an "idiot?" to make the tea. I looked forward to a warming brew to help ease the burdens of the day. What I got was a foul tasting brew made with milk that was two days of date. Off to the supermaket I had to go to purchase fresh supplies. Not a good start to the working week!

Worry

2011-05-18T03:31:00.000-07:00

Of course we all worry. It's built into our genes. BUT I wonder about my fellow co. worker "idiot?" who worries about things we can't change. Today we need to drive the small van. We need to make a collection. And go and help another fellow co. worker to get a carpet in. BUT chief fellow co. worker "idiot?" has not left us the keys to the van. They must be in his pocket and he's miles and miles away.So what can we do? Nothing. There's no point in worrying. We can't collect what we should do and if fellow co. worker wants a lift with the carpet he'll have to collect "idiot?" and return him. It's as simple as that! all the worrying in the world wont make the van go without a key.

Just make it clear

2011-05-14T03:05:00.000-07:00

This week I needed to send a piece of carpet to be whipped. This is not a mysterious sexual perversion. It means sending a carpet to be sewn down the edges the make either a runner or a rug. In this instance it was a runner for a stairs. This means cutting the piece or pieces from a big cut that will do the rest of the installation. I didn't want anything to go wrong. So I asked my fellow co. worker "idiot?" to make it clear. Start a fresh piece of paper and write the cuts required and draw where it was coming from clearly. What did I get? another piece of paper with loads of scrawl all over it much like the other five pieces of paper I already had. "No" I said for the millionth time. "A clean piece of paper with clear instructions" he replied with a lot of twatter a shrug of the shoulders and went into a right hump. Several if the other "idiots?" were around they got my point but unfortunately he did not!

Serenity

2011-05-09T07:29:00.000-07:00

I am not a believer. But today I have prayed "Please god give me the serenity to last until five 0'clock."
Friday I finished early, not that early it was about 1 0'clock and we close at 5.
In I bounced this morning full of the joys. After a most enjoyable weekend away I was feeling happy. My fellow co. worker "idiot?" greeted me quite happily. It didn't last. After 5 minutes he said "Friday was taking the p***." "Oh was it busy?" I enquired. "It was more than busy" was his reply. Unusually for me I bit my tongue. My brain was thinking That's why you've got a job. So I can finish early on a Friday and enjoy my weekends. We carried on regardless. Then I got a phone call from a customer. "I'm very sorry but I thought I better ring you. The man I spoke to on Saturday totally confused me." Later another phone call "did you get a message from Friday re: my fitting date?" Why oh Why can you not leave the "idiots?" alone for five minutes. I'm sure if they tried they could have dealt with all the enquiries quite admirably. But they don't they say "N***i will sort this on Monday for you."

Sixth sense or no sense?

2011-04-18T03:26:00.000-07:00

Today I ambled in after a BAD night. Sore throat runny nose and it's Monday. Some how I knew my fellow co. workers "idiots?" wouldn't be any help. As I drove into the carpark there was a fellow co. worker "idiot?" sporting a pair of flip flops and jeans polishing his work shoes. Bad start. 8.30 came and went two fellow co. workers "idiots?" not arrived yet. Bad start. They duly ambled in a bit later. I never said a word but I looked at the clock and it's filed in my head. 9.30 we ran out of milk. Bad start. I went out to purchase supplies. On my return one job couldn't now be done today. Bad start. Do you think I had a sixth sense my fellow co. workers would be of no help today? Or do you think I had no sense because I didn't throw a sicky? You may leave your feed back should you desire.

New office

2011-04-15T07:09:00.001-07:00

I decided today to give my blog a make over. I hope you like my new office!

I just can't see it

2011-04-15T06:21:00.000-07:00

Today a fellow co. worker "idiot?" came wandering in. "it's no good" he muttered. "My e-mail's not working". I looked at him. Now this "idiot?" is not very technical. So I went to his computer. Pressed the send & receive button. And hey presto the e-mail magically arrived. It beggars belief that this "idiot?" keeps reminding me about his grammar school education implying he's so much cleverer than he is. Because I have shown him so many times how to do this. He goes for weeks on end and doesn't go any where near his computer and then he's surprised that he has ten million e-mails he needs to look at!

Hopes and aspirations

2011-04-07T01:10:00.000-07:00

Oh how I dreamed that my fellow co. worker "idiot?" would be my best friend when the sun is shining. I had wonderful visions of starting work late and finishing early to make the most of the nice days.
Yesterday I woke up and the sun was shining. I said to the other half "I feel really tired can I start late?" "NO" was his reply "you can't leave those idiots on there own get up." I am a victim of my own blog. My dreams were shattered. Now an endless summer lies before me. Get up get to work spend the best parts of the day indoors with the "IDIOTS?" it's enough to make you weep!!

Oh well

2011-03-16T06:42:00.000-07:00

I guess I can just print what I like here then. No feedback has been posted and no more followers logged. so it's official I do just blog for myself an no one seems to read it. I should be disappointed but I'm not. I will entertain myself just the same as always.
Today we are under pressure. We are two weeks away from our end of year. Plus we are extremely busy. Not a good combination. We are weeding out the men from the "idiots?" and it's becoming obvious the "idiots?" that do and the "idiots?" who think they do if you know what I mean. Today an "idiot?" went off do a measure with huff and puff and shrug of the shoulders. It wasn't very long before he returned. He'd gone without a tape measure!!

feedback

2011-03-11T07:40:00.000-08:00

my blog is lacking followers I only have 3. If you follow my blog please let me know. And any comments you would like to leave I would appreciate. Am I just blogging to myself or does any one actually read this???????

Negative energy

2011-03-11T07:33:00.000-08:00

My fellow co. worker "idiot?" is back from his holidays. I thought I would be relieved but I'm not. Negative energy is affecting my well being. I'm a very positive person. But those around me seem to be the opposite. So far he has complained "you give me all the jobs you don't like doing." And yes I admit I do but isn't that the idea of employing people? I've done this job alone for years. Why would I do the horrible bits of it and give him the nice tasks? that would be "idiotic" and I'm not one of them.
His negativity is sapping my energy and god knows that's in short supply at the best of times.

Not enough hours in the day

2011-02-25T07:13:00.000-08:00

My fellow co. worker "idiot? is always complaining there's not enough hours in the day. "No" I say. "Now you're part time you need to manage your time better and get things done." Today he's been chased by customers because he's been running late. The customer he measured first came into the showroom with her selection. she dropped into the conversation he'd sat down for a while with her husband had a nice cuppa and a very nice lengthy conversation about guitars and music. Well there's never going to be enough time in a day if you spend too much time talking sh** is there?

Too many words!!!

2011-02-24T03:20:00.000-08:00

One of my fellow co. workers "idiots?" uses too many words. When challenged about something he hasn't done he bamboozles you with unnecessary words. I have just spoken to a customer who has spoken to this "idiot?" this morning and he wasn't impressed by his unnecessary over word use either. Apparently he told the customer all his woes! I'm feeling embarrassed that this "idiot?" thinks he's fooling us all with his knowledge and troubled lifestyle. When all he's really doing is peeing us all off!!!

Who do you think your are?

2011-02-23T05:29:00.000-08:00

Last week a fellow co. worker "idiot?" enquired could we have some more expensive stock carpet as he thought it would sell well. "yes" I replied cheerfully "would you like me to take the money to pay for it out of your wages or would you like to pay for it now?" He looked at me as if I was mad. His plan was that we should take down our good value for money stock. Store it and put the more expensive stock in it's place and see if it would sell. The stock we have is paid for by us and is selling very well. So I had to wonder what is logic was. When I enquired about the payment options I gave him he told me he didn't think it would be a problem as I had money. I soon informed him "I don't have spare money to spend on stock I don't need, in fact if I had spare money would I come to work every day? No I bloody wouldn't I'd stay at home read books paint my nails and generally please myself! am I going on holiday for eighteen days soon? No I'm bloody not so it's obvious to me you have more spare money than me!" He looked at me in his way and said "well you look like you've got money." This made me wonder how do you look like you've got money? I don't drive a new car. I don't wear designer clothes. I'm not dripping in gold and diamonds. I don't live in a mansion. So how the hell do I give the impression I've got money?

Moody mare

2011-02-18T06:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday a fellow co. worker "idiot?" accused me of being sharp. This has not gone down well in my book. I am the least moody member of staff we have. Don't get me wrong I'm not a saint, but rarely am I in a bad mood, and if I am I tend to go around telling everyone "I'm feeling grumpy today" I tell them because it doesn't happen often and I want to warn them.
As far as I was aware I was having a good day. I was as happy as you can be at 8.30 on a Thursday. I came in cleaned the showroom and set about making a round of tea. Apart from standing on my desk and singing "GOOD MORNING GOOD MORNING MAKE TODAY A SUNBLEST DAY" I don't think I could have been any more cheery. The only thing I can think of is I'm starting to show my age and my happy on the inside is not getting to the outside.

My husband and I

2011-02-15T05:01:00.000-08:00

Today we are short staffed. My fellow co. worker "idiot?" who works the shop with me is sailing the high seas.It being winter the operative word here is HIGH I would imagine. Anyhow he's not back for eighteen days. My other fellow co. worker "idiot?" who could man the shop with me is on the road all day. So you would think husband fellow co. worker "idiot?" would be here to help out wouldn't you? Well at 9.30 this morning he popped out "I have to go out again at 11.30" he said "but I'll be back in a minute." It's now 1.15 and all I've heard from him is a phone call in which he said "I can't talk now I'll phone you back." That was at least 2 hours ago. Tonight when the shop closes he'll say "what's for tea?" he'll enter the spotless house I cleaned before work this morning, enter the bathroom with a soft fluffy towel I washed and dried. Climb into the lovely bed I made this morning and tell me "HE'S TIRED!!!!"

Here we are again

2011-01-27T07:20:00.000-08:00

Great week off in the sunshine and then back to the same old same old. Just because I'm back behind the desk my fellow co. workers "idiots?" seem to think they no longer have to think. "How much is this? how do I do that? Have I done this?" they cry. How on earth do they actually manage when I'm not here to ask I sit and wonder. Yesterday one of the "idiots?" asked if a fellow "idiot?" could ring him when he returned. The "idiot?" was duly asked and for once carried out the request. Out he wandered with the "idiot?" in questions phone in his hand "I can't phone ***** because he's left his phone here." The "idiot?" who requested the phone call was not working alone so the solution was simple phone on differant number, this seemed too difficult for my fellow co. worker to grasp. A short while later he wandered out again "have you seen my scale rule I've looked everywhere." "Have you looked on **** desk" I enquired No he hadn't and there it was. I see myself now as a problem solver, and I see the "idiots?" as the problem!!

Still too early

2011-01-14T07:19:00.000-08:00

Both yesterday and today my fellow co. worker "idiot?" with the new start time of 8.30 in the morning has been late. Yesterday he said he had overslept. Today I enquired if he had overslept again or had his wife lost her umbrella? -Avid followers of my blog will understand this, others will think I've lost the plot- He informed me " I don't see the point at starting at 8.30" I shouted!! After I shouted I tried to explain more calmly there was a point to the 8.30 start. The point is at 8.30 we all arrive and start work and that applies to you too. I still don't think he's got it though.

New year New start.

2011-01-11T07:07:00.000-08:00

In we came last Tuesday. One fellow co. worker "idiot?" had received a letter to inform him of his new working hours in December ready for January. His new start time came and went. In he ambled at the start time he wanted NOT the start time stated in his letter. Great start thought I. When questioned at first he denied the new start time. I informed him I knew the new start time because I typed the letter. He let slip "I don't see the point in starting that early." "Ah" said I. "So you knew the time you were supposed to start. You just didn't want to." The next day the start time was adhered to. EXCEPT instead of coming in and getting started he gets a cuppa and either sits or stands in my way. As I see it he's trying to go back to a start time he chooses. I'm not going to play the game I'm just going to work around him for as long as it takes for him to get the message. Start 8.30 means start 8.30 not come in at 8.30 get in the way and start work about 9.15!
The real fun started about last Thursday. "Have we got a new holiday calender?" the "idiots?" enquired. This was bad news as soon as it was produced they all started booking weeks off. I was in despair. I informed husband boss "idiot?" that we would never get any time off if we didn't sort it quickly. Today he came up trumps. Holiday booked flights booked apartment in sunny climate with garden sorted.And guess what? I'm going on Monday. I'll show the "idiots?" New year New start I'm coming first for choosing holidays and not last.

Snow Joke

2010-12-20T06:05:00.001-08:00

Dear Mother Nature
I don't ask for much all I wanted was for you to hold on to the snow until Friday. but no that was too much to ask and instead you dumped it NOW. And now what? the "idiots?" and I are up the creek. My fellow co. worker whom I have blogged previously on numerous occasions is the only one in the world who can drive in snow. Came to work at 9.15 and was gone again at the first signs of snow at about 11 this morning. My fellow co. workers "idiots?" who were due to work in Exeter left at 5 this morning and got within half an hour of their destination only to be turned around because the snow was so bad the roads were closed. Three fellow co. workers were told by boss husband "idiot?" fellow co. worker to go home. Boss husband "idiot?" and another fellow co. worker are fitting a lounge (quickly) after trying to negotiate the hill to the house several times. And I'm sat manning the phones that are clogged by suppliers who are not going to get here and customers wanting to know if my Chrystal ball predicts they will still have there flooring by Christmas!! Please mother nature can we have a miracle over night? please melt the snow and let all the deliveries through and then please move Christmas back by one week. If you do this for me I promise I will never complain again I'm too hot too cold or we've had too much rain. THANK YOU.

Short fuse

2010-12-17T02:34:00.000-08:00

I'm on a short fuse this week because I've got a cold. This means I don't suffer fools gladly. And boy oh boy are the "idiots?" being foolish. Yesterday we ran out of tea bags - This is an emergency situation - off went an "idiot?" on foot with haste to rectify the situation. We all awaited his return. He came back with milk. We didn't need milk we had plenty, he put his head in his heads and uttered "I don't know what's the matter with me." I uttered to myself "No neither do I but get your skates on and go back to purchase tea bags NOW." This morning I struggled in to work. I told one of the "idiots?" you need to take samples with you for this customer. I found the samples and put them in front of him. Off he went, the samples are still there. The hypochondriac "idiot?" is beside himself because I've got a cold and every time I sneeze he gives a little cough and when ever he walks by he sniffs just in case I might just be deemed as more ill than himself. I can't wait for five o'clock tonight I need a little break from them all.

I'v e got too much to think about!

2010-11-19T07:10:00.000-08:00

Today I have had this conversation with a fellow co. worker "idiot?" that he'd double booked himself. He handed me a measure sheet and said "you'll have to sort that out with someone else." he had made all the plans himself for this afternoons measures. EXCEPT he had made two for the same time. One at one end of the Forest of Dean and the other at the other end. You must agree with me but only an "idiot?" would do that and then leave someone else to sort it out. "well" he said "I've got too many things to think about." I'm not being funny or nothing but we've all got a lot to think about at work, that's why we get paid. And I'm pretty sure being the only female among the "idiots?" I'm thinking about a million more things than them. Like what's for tea.? What to order for my tesco delivery? Who should I buy what for christmas? What will I wrap it in? What will we eat on christmas day? need I say more????

Bah humbug!

2010-11-10T08:42:00.000-08:00

I hate the christmas rush. It's stopping me writing my blog. It's stopping me sleeping.It's stopping me enjoying anything. Don't get me wrong I'm glad we've got a christmas rush. but I wont be blogging regularly for a few weeks yet.

How you goin to manage?

2010-10-28T04:33:00.000-07:00

This week so far has been hard.
Several of my fellow co. workers "idiots?" have taken the week off. One fellow co. worker "idiot?" was googling holidays frantically trying to find a last minute deal. Of course anyone with even half a brain knows it's school holidays and what happens in school holidays? yes the prices go way up. "well" he grumbled at the end of the week when he hadn't bagged a bargain holiday "you said no holidays in November." yes I know I said no holidays in November. I didn't say book half term week because you wont be able to afford to fly did I! Some how his enforced week in England appeared to be my fault. Friday afternoon last week the atmosphere was a little frosty. He informed me on more than one occasion that if he had next week off he could get a holiday for half the price. I was left wondering why he hadn't been more organised and looked in to it in advance. He could have appealed to my better nature and enquired if he worked extra hard on his return could he have the first week of November you never know I may have relented and said yes.
"how you going to manage next week?" my fellow co. worker asked. "just like I did before you worked here." I replied. And that's how it's been. Once again I have made grand entrances from the ladies powder room. I have dragged the open sign out on to the pavement and back in again when it's been closing time. I have made nearly every cup of tea.Definately washed every dirty cup. Cleaned the show room including the toilet. Served every customer and soothed the furrowed brows of the fitters.Especially the fitter who I had warned in advance that he was going to a very fussy customer only to discover the fussy customer decided to replace his underlay after his carpets were fitted. This meant fitting them twice. but all in all the week has gone by quite smoothly (so far). The days have been fast and the mornings have come faster and life goes on.

Romantic beginings

2010-10-21T05:18:00.000-07:00

This morning started off so well. Husband boss fellow co. worker "idiot?" brought me the customary morning cup of tea aah delicious. Ten minutes later he bounded back up the stairs and hollered "Don't lie there too long you need to scrape your car!!"
I was hoping to hear "Lie there a bit longer love. Don't start work 'til about ten. And then your car wont need scraping." Oh how I wish my life was like adverts on T.V all clean babies and puppies ambling about making you smile. My life seems to be all dirty washing cars that need scraping and you better be at work on time regardless of the weather!!

Have a little lie down

2010-10-09T01:21:00.000-07:00

Have a little lie down is the sentance of the week. I've lost count of the number of people who have uttered the immortal words "ooh beds at least you can have a little lie down when you feel tired." How would that work? a customer would come in or a telephone would ring and I could say "OOOH hello I was just having a little lie down" if and when I require a little lie down at work I think it's time to retire!!
Yesterday afternoon the "idiots?" and I were moving a few things about. Swapping a mattress for a memory foam mattress and cutting stock etc. Just a normal Friday afternoon. We were milling around the desk area when all of a sudden water gushed and I mean gushed through the light fitting. The "idiots?" looked up to admire the water I rushed and turned the lights off and found a bucket to contain the water. After the mad dash I enquired "don't you think it would have been a good idea for one of you to turn the lights off immediately?" "NO" they said "the trip switch should have kicked the electric off" They know Bob the builder converted upstairs I doubt if there is a trip switch. Husband boss "idiot?" went upstairs. One of the tennants was doing a bit of plumbing!!
As we worked in the dark again for a while I took the time to ponder what will happen when they get a major leak up there.

Bed knobs and broom sticks!!

2010-09-29T04:53:00.000-07:00

Diversification is the word of the day in retail and as previously blogged we have diversified back into the world of sleep and selling beds.
Yesterday I left my fellow co. workers "idiots?" alone and headed up the motorway to a trade show all about beds. Husband boss fellow co. worker "idiot?" and I had to do the obligatory measure on the way, this took an hour. Oh thought I as I sat in the car reading my book and eating some fruit whilst I waited. I better get the information out and plan our route around the venue as we still had two hours to travel and I wanted to be back by 5 o'clock for a hair cut. Once we got started on our journey proper I thought all was well. But NO we travelled for about 45 minutes and then he decided he could go no further without coffee. So we stopped. In to the services we wandered, then in to the mobile phone shop he went. "NO come on I pleaded, we need to start back at 3 o'clock at the latest." Coffee and nibbles for him were chosen "have you got any money?" I enquired, stupid question I know he doesn't do money. Lucky I had some so the items were purchased. Once again we started off as we were motoring a car flew past it was sign written MOBILE SOLICITOR what's one of them? the only thing I could think of was a prostitute with a car!
At last we reached our destination I had pre-booked so we went straight in. I was impressed. Our first port of call was to the stand of our supplier at the moment, I had tried to explain to hubby what this character is like. Even I was taken aback by his chosen outfit for the trade show. As I waved to attract his attention he turned around there he was in all his glory nice brown suite and a bright purple dickie bow tie. He was pleased to see us and flapped about trying to impress. After an acceptable amount of time we bade our farewells and made our way around to make some new contacts. Straight away we found the suppliers we wanted and got the paperwork to open the accounts.Brilliant this had taken just over an hour. I was elated and thought I might even get back early. We stopped for another coffee for him and a bottle of water for me and some sandwitches. We chatted about our next move. Himself decided we need a premier supplier. So back in to the fray we went, off to the big boys. This stand was very busy we sat on beds poked beds and admired the ticking (yes ticking that's mattress fabric to you and me.) Eventually someone made contact No they didn't cover our area so we had to wait for the area rep. to make time to see us. She eventually did. she was french very french we couldn't understand a word she was saying. Around and around she dragged us lie on this bed lie on that bed we were in a whirl. Then came the nitty gritty which beds would you like to purchase today. I didn't have the heart to tell her we had no intention of purchasing any beds at the show we have a nice display for now all I wanted was to open the account. "We don't want to commit today" I said so she scanned our bar codes like we were a pack of tomatoes and is coming into the show room in four weeks time. Thank god I thought this ordeal is over. But no you have to open an account with our sister company as well I'll introduce you to Derek. Off we trot meet Derek lie on this bed lie on that bed "what do you think?" he says "which beds would you like to purchase today?" we don't commit. We are scanned and he's coming to the showroom in four weeks. I look at husband he looks at me "lets go home". Derek was the icing on the cake we could take in no more information on springs and ticking we ambled home. I looked in my purse I had spent all my money on refreshments. I paid for my hair cut in loose change. Our day was done.

Beige

2010-09-22T05:39:00.000-07:00

It's all beige around here My fellow co. workers my customers my environment it's all beige. Why? you are asking yourself. I don't know why the customers are beige because I don't know them personally, but there does seem to be a distinct lack of personality going on this week. I'm doing all the usual stuff coming out with the patter and all I'm getting in return is a lopsided smile and not much else. They all obviously think I've got mental health issues. But hey at least I'm not beige. My fellow co. workers are all in a funny place it's the old health and safety chestnut again upsetting the apple cart. I'm sure they'll get over it and I'm sure it'll all die down only to re-emerge another day. My environment is beige because we've moved everything husband boss fellow co. worker had a wild idea we should supplement selling carpet with beds so my beautifully refurbished show room has been torn apart to put the beds in, so we can't find anything, and we're still waiting for all the beds to arrive. I am awaiting some colour in my life it can't stay beige for ever. I will know things are improving when I feel my life is taupe and not beige!

Are you serious?

2010-09-13T05:12:00.001-07:00

We have a new tenant in the flats above our showroom and unfortunately there a smoker. And with that comes the inevitable. They are far too bone idle to dispose of the remnants of there habit in a civilised way so they throw them out of the window.
so this morning one of the first tasks was to sweep the pavement. I asked a fellow co. worker "idiot?" "would you sweep the pavement please" he looked at me and carried on wandering around. I let this go for about half an hour. I then requested again "would you sweep the pavement for me please" he then went in to one. "Are you serious? I'm not sweeping up because there too lazy to dispose of there fags properly". The easy answer to this was "yes you are because I need that pavement to look inviting for the customers otherwise they may not come in" out he went and reluctantly swept up.

gone but not forgotten

2010-09-10T07:16:00.000-07:00

I must apologise for not blogging for a while. It's all been a bit hectic since me and the welsh wonder had a major falling out three weeks ago. I have blogged previously about the temperamental welsh fitter I have had the misfortune to work with for the last ten year. Well off and on over the years we have had a few fall outs and he has decided to not speak to me. Some how or another this has usually worked itself out and we have managed to rub along. However this time he managed to tip me over the edge. The Monday morning started out much the same as always. He wasn't speaking we were communicating if you can call it that through a third party. Something had gone wrong with a plan for a hall stairs and landing, but because he wasn't speaking to me I didn't know. The third party had told a fellow co. worker "idiot?" to sort it out and deliver the carpet all cut ready to the house they were working at. The fellow co. worker "idiot?" omitted to tell me so I was oblivious until lunch time when they rolled up. In came the third party whilst the welsh wonder sat in his van. "Have you finished already?" I enquired. "NO you didn't sort the carpet out so we're going home" was his reply. You can imagine my astonishment. I flew up in the air dashed across the show room shouting "That's it I've had enough . I went to the van swung the door open and dragged the welsh wonder by his arm into the warehouse. Stomped into the office dragged the "idiot?" who had planned the carpet out to him and threatened to bang there heads together. All the time I was ranting on "It takes a bloody woman to sort you lot out all the time, you should all be ashamed you act like bloody kids." I then made a cup of tea plonked it on the floor and went back to work. The problem with the plan was sorted out and off they went and the job was finished. At some point I had told the welsh wonder I would phone him the next day to discuss matters. As I always do what say I will I picked up the phone thinking we could have an adult conversation and sort things out. BUT NO he wouldn't speak to me. All I got was the third party and he foolishly asked me what work they would be required to carry out. That was red rag to a bull and I was off again it went like this. "You tell that bloody ***hole to ring me and then we'll see until then there isn't any work. That was all three weeks ago and I've not heard a thing since. I was absolutely sure he would turn up for the wages I owe him. But no not a word not a visit nothing all is quiet. If he's waiting for me to ring him he'll wait I tell you because I'm a great friend and a terrible enemy. Of course this left me with a problem too much work and not enough workers. So I needed to fill the void. This went well for the first week or so, not so well this week. In came the replacement walking a bit gingerly his knees were paining him so he had spent a night on the sofa. This had fixed his knee problem but now he had a serious back problem. He struggled out and did the first job the rest of the day had to be cancelled. I'm hoping next week is going to sort itself out better.

Funny rep.story

2010-08-21T04:15:00.000-07:00

I am very lucky to have a rep.(one of many) who I really get on with. He's got two little boys and Wednesday he came in and told me a really funny story. Whilst he was on holiday a couple of weeks ago. His wife enquired if they could go in to town and do some shopping and have a nice meal. Even though like most men he detests shopping he agreed. So off they went. He was in charge of making sure the boys behaved and his wife was left her own devices. The youngest of the two boys is going through the stage where he's fascinated by toilets. So when they got to the restaurant he asked once again to be taken to the loo, he was told as it was so near he could go on his own "I'm sure he only wants to look" the worried mummy was told by hubby. They chatted a while and then the stable doors to toilets swung open, out backed a small boy with his trousers around his ankles who enquired for all the restaurant to hear "Will you wipe my bum daddy?" the waiter laughed and came over with free drinks for mummy and daddy and free ice cream for the boys purely for the entertainment value!

Out numbered

2010-08-19T04:28:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling outnumbered by my fellow co. workers "idiots?" I'm tired and they're really getting on my nerves. There is way too much testosterone in this place and I crave female company. This morning one of the "idiots?" says to me "I've found something interesting in this tool catalogue you might like." I suspected I wouldn't. I was right he rattled on about waterproof gussets and clip on clip off front. It was a bloody light switch. What's interesting about that? I swished my chair around and pretended to be busy. The next minute he waffled on about the virtues of a good red wine he'd drunk but he couldn't remember the name. What's interesting about that? and so the morning dragged on. Then in came a customer to look at a vinyl she'd selected. "Can't find it" he mumbled. "I need to check the quality" she was chirping. So up I jumped "I'll have a look" I said. I was thinking as I went to check the samples I bet it's there. But if it's not I can show her the quality any way on another design, because regardless of the design the range quality was what she was most worried about. Of course it was there. The customer whispered in my ear "why didn't he think to show me the quality even if the design wasn't there?" all I could think of to answer her was "because he's a man!"

If you want a job doing do it yourself

2010-08-18T02:25:00.000-07:00

Oh dear
I think I've gone and upset one of my fellow co.workers "idiot?" again. I asked him to go outside and clear the weeds that had popped up outside the showroom. He bustled about and then came and stood by the desk. "ok" he said "where are the gardening tools?" "what gardening tools?" I replied "you don't need any. Just avoid the traffic and pull!" that went down like a lead balloon. The shoulders were shrugged the eyes rolled and off he huffed. Earlier the same fellow co. worker "idiot?" had enquired "would you be offended if I brought in a cordless phone? it's ridiculous out there. there's never a pen and paper by the phone in the unit." I just looked at him in wonder. I then told him how I have managed and still manage when he's not here. I picked up a pen and popped it behind my ear. I then showed him my hand. "There you go I said you don't need a cordless phone. A pen behind your ear and a hand to write on is all you require." The "idiot?" in question has now pulled the weeds and is avoiding my like the plague.

I don't think I'm in any danger!

2010-08-16T05:02:00.000-07:00

I know I keep banging on about my fellow co. worker "idiot?" who suffers from hypochondria but he really is driving me up the bloody wall. Last Tuesday
in he came wearing the now famous christmas cardi with fur trimmed hood. My god he must have been boiling because the weather was so humid. He strutted about waiting for someone to notice and enquire why he was wearing this item at the height of summer. Eventually someone did. "I'm not well" they were informed. Of course as the day wore on he forgot and things got as near to normal as they can in here. By four o'clock I thought we were home and dry. BUT NO all of a sudden he remembered he was ill and spent the next hour mooning about hoping for sympathy. Wednesday morning he came to work and was going to a meeting that would take most of the day. For the first half hour he acted poorly and then he completely forgot. During that day he spoke several times to my fellow co. workers as right as ninepunce. Then once again he remembered he was ill in the afternoon. Thursday and Friday were great -He was on holiday- This morning at 8.30 the phone went it was him. "I'm ill I've got to go to the doctors." I couldn't believe it why didn't he go Thursday of Friday in his own bloody time? instead of cocking up my day!
I can't remember at what point last week he wanted a cup of tea and he had the cheek to say to me "you don't want me to make you one in case you catch it" I told him in no uncertain terms "you cannot catch hypochondria.Here is my cup put a tea bag in it and hot water and milk on top" and you know what? I never caught a thing.

Utter rubbish

2010-08-05T05:46:00.000-07:00

Monday this weeek was a disaster. The "idiots?" and I had a major crisis. They were out fitting in a school and the carpet needed to colour match because it was being joined in places. "Chief boss husband idiot?" phoned in to tell me they didn't colour match. I hadn't placed the order and didn't know what the "idiot?" who placed the order had asked for. If he hadn't asked for a colour match we were in major shit. We were in the shit anyway because of the timing factor but this could be really bad. was the fellow co. worker "idiot?" here to sort it out? NO he had gone on a QUICK MEASURE over an hour before the first telephone call. "Don't worry" says I "he can't be much longer." so every two minutes after that I got a phone call "is he back yet?" "NO if he was you would have heard." Of course we were phoning his mobile phone but that was sat in the van sunning itself on the seat! After numerous phone calls every two minutes I got my bum in a knot and told "chief boss husband idiot?" "I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS" and off I went in search of the missing "idiot?". I drove down to the industrial estate where he was supposed to be doing the QUICK measure. I had no idea where the unit was we where he was supposed to be. Eventually I spotted his van. I zoomed in to the car park where he was. Of course there was loads of tradesman about doing whatever tradesman do. In to the building I went. I stood and listened. I could hear him talking but I needed to track him down upstairs or downstairs? now I think about it I did a great job wending myself through the building to the sound of his voice. There he was having a merry old time chatting away with a painter. In I stomped and said through gritted teeth "WILL YOU PLEASE COME BACK TO THE SHOP NOW. WE ARE HAVING A CRISIS YOU NEED TO SOLVE AND I HAVE BEEN PHONING YOU FOR OVER AN HOUR AND THIRTY MINUTES." He looked at me with his usual gormless expression and said "OK" I turned on my heel and swished out. I could hear the painter saying to me as swished "All right ****" I had no idea who he was I hadn't even looked at him in my haste to get in and out. It turned out to be the customer who owned the building OOOPS. Whilst driving back I kept looking in my mirror to see if he had obeyed my request and had acutually dragged himself away. He showed up about five minutes after me. I suppose he thought he was hurrying!!

All work and no play

2010-08-02T03:15:00.000-07:00

It seems to be all work and no play for me and the "idiots?" right now. As is the norm. it's all or nothing. So a lot of the time I'm on my own in the shop as my able assistant is obviously too able and is helping on the tools. This leaves me with fellow co. worker "hypochondriac idiot?" who this morning is mooning about rubbing his belly and belching loudly every five minutes. I'm not sure who feels the most delicate him or me? but if he continues to moon about belching I'm definatley going to vomit!!

It's taking me a while to type this between customers and I think I have good news. "hypochondric idiot?" has been out on a measure. And since his return he's forgotton he feels ill, so I think I will be alright. Unless he remembers as he sometimes does and then I'll be back to square one. You think I'm fibbing I know. But I'm not. Many a day he has limped in using a walking stick saying he's got a very bad sprain but he'll soldier on. And I guarantee you by 11 o'clock he's forgotten to limp. And then suddenly he'll remember and start limping again only he can't remember which foot so he limps on one and then the other just in case. He's the same with a cold he sniffs and snuffles and coughs and moans and then he forgets for a while.And then he'll sniff snuffle and make himself cough, I've seen him try to counjour up a cough so hard it makes him retch. What a wally!!

The truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth

2010-07-19T06:36:00.000-07:00

In the world the "idiots?" and I share we have "isms" this is a euphemism for LIES!! I don't know why, but we go through certain phases when the "isms" get out of control.One minute a perfectly normal conversation is going on and then an "idiot?" will have an uncontrollable outbreak of "ismitius" and ruin it all. I don't know if the "idiot?" in question believes what they say, but I know the rest of us DON'T.

To work or not to work?

2010-07-16T01:22:00.000-07:00

yesterday was my dads funeral so obviously no work for me. Today I didn't know what to do. Should I go to work? should I clean the house? should I go out for the day?.

I decided on the work option. And oh boy do I regret it. Yesterday was a complete and utter disaster. Grumpy welsh fitter didn't turn up for work and isn't in work today, he's got van troubles -why on earth he didn't just hire a van and get on with it I don't know- one of the "idiots?" disapproves of me and boss "idiot?" being at work and is huffing about - why he can't just accept people react in different ways at these times and working is our way I don't know- really annoying "idiot?" keeps telling me how manic it was yesterday, and that's why he couldn't come to the hotel after the funeral and have his customary sandwich - why I didn't bring him a doggy bag I don't know - newish "idiot?" apparently got in a right panic and was still here at 7 o'clock last night trying to re-organise - why he just didn't go home and sort it out today I don't know - I have decided today is a new day and the "idiots?" better just keep out of my way whilst I get things back on track.

BULLSHIT

2010-07-14T03:49:00.000-07:00

In he sweeps. He's not your usual rep he doesn't drive a mondeo he drives a JAG. He tries to baffle you with his products. Except he knows nothing about his products. He brags to you about the fabulous meals he's eaten and the wonderful places he's visited. He makes you promises he will not keep. He offers you products for far less money than all the other suppliers and then the price goes up.He's one of the few we don't offer a beverage so he doesn't stay too long. Then off he goes leaving a whiff of expensive cologne. We call him BULLSHIT B*B.

Middle aged spread

2010-07-08T04:14:00.000-07:00

My fellow co. workers "idiots?" are having new T'shirts for work wear. They have already received one delivery.But are now going to a different supplier. "WHY?" you are asking yourself. I know I'm asking myself this question, the first delivery of T'shirts are really nice, it's just the boys "idiots?" they don't like the sizing. Apparently the tops are a bit "SNUG!!" None of the "idiots?" have considered it's the middle aged spread that's the problem they think if they order else where they can order a smaller size. I think they're just kidding themselves.

Blog therapy post (do not read if you don't want to)

2010-07-02T01:12:00.000-07:00

This post may not seem appropriate to many but I am who I am and I find writing my blog very therapeutic so here goes. For a long time but particularly over the last eight months my dad has been very ill. And on Wednesday whilst at work I got the telephone call every one dreads you need to come to the hospital now. Up I jumped and shouted at who ever was listening "I've got to go now" I thought I picked up my things -only to discover when I got to Cheltenham I hadn't picked up anything useful- and off I went. My fellow co workers "idiots?" were great one handed me my keys whilst having the forethought to remove all the keys he would require in my absence. Another asked me if I was O.K to drive myself and the others all got out my way as I ran out to my car. I spent that day saying goodbye to my dad. Yesterday not knowing quite how you're supposed to behave at these times I thought I must go to work and check that all the things I planned to do Wednesday morning had been done. My fellow co. workers "idiots?" had done me proud. I needn't have worried everything was as good as or if not better than it would have been had I been there.I know some of my fellow co. workers read my blog so "THANKS MATES". Don't worry all you non fellow co. workers it can't last long soon they will be up to there old tricks. I'll keep you posted as soon as I can. xx

how does his mind work (or more preciseley does his mind work)

2010-06-07T04:52:00.000-07:00

I am bemused confused and befuddled. Unfortunately one of my fellow co. workers who used to work Saturdays is unwell and she has left our happy little community of "idiots?" for the moment that leaves us short staffed on a Saturday. This shouldn't be a problem during the summer because we are less busy on a Saturday until the Christmas run up. (please god let there be a busy Christmas run up!) Well last Saturday the most annoying "idiot?" I have the misfortune to work with worked the morning. He knows that at the moment it's only one person working Saturdays so we can't organise measures for this day. This morning in he wandered at 9.05 it was requested by boss "idiot?" that he start work at 8.30 every morning this week but because he had a measure on the way in I guessed he would not be in until 9.30 today. Because it was 9.05 when he arrived today I enquired "you did remember the meausure didn't you?" he turned on his heel and was making his way back to the van. Of course I should have known better he had forgotten completely. The damn measure was for his next door neighbour!! Any how the saga continues because I looked at the messages from Saturday. Sure enough there was a measure sheet all written out measure next Saturday 10.30 in Newnham on Severn. On the "idiots?" return from next door to his own house I enquired how are we going to do this measure next Saturday then? He looked at me all cock eyed as if I was the one without a brain. "What do you mean?" says he."we don't have enough staff on Saturday to cover the showroom for the measure to be possible" I reminded him. "Oh yeh" he said and walked off. I took it upon myself to phone the customer and rearrange I was lucky they didn't tell me not to bother. When summer is over I have no choice it's back to Saturday working for me I reckon I've got ten to twelve weeks before I drag myself in and eat my breakfast at my desk again. I'm really looking forward to it.

The best of

2010-06-04T01:35:00.000-07:00

Today has been a slow day. So I have been challenging the "idiots?" on the Best of Forest of Dean games. The Best Of is a website where people leave feedback for the local companies they have used. These games are addictive and I have discovered a competitive streak I didn't know I had. On bank holiday Monday I decided I couldn't go to bed until I had achieved 6000 points on the hammer throw. All was good when I got 11117 and off to bed I went. Now I am so deflated I can't get any higher than this score. I have been into our unit and got a piece of whiterock because I thought this would make the mouse run more smoothly. I'm getting agitated when the phone goes or a customer comes in because it's disturbing my train of thought. So after careful consideration I have decided to log out and blog instead.And after I finish my blog I'm going to find something constructive to do rather than playing games!

Oh and guess what I've got a secret.....
Do you want to share it?
Ok then I'll tell you but keep it to yourself.
This morning the post man brought another freebie. In my pop up R-Kive mini box I have another packet of Haribo kiddies supermix this time. This packet came with a sample of underlay. Now don't tell the "idiots?"

Freebie update

2010-06-01T08:03:00.000-07:00

My box is empty. One of the "idiots?" has eaten my haribos and mini snickers. I need supplies to fill my box!

Freebies.... and parcels

2010-06-01T07:12:00.000-07:00

Today the "idiots?" and I ambled in. You can say no more after a long weekend other than we ambled. First job of the day open the post. And joy of joys freebies a packet of sweets and a mini card board box. The box is perfect for keeping the sweets in. They both came from different sources but you couldn't have planned it any better. One of the "idiots?" assembled the box and it now contains the free sweets (haribo starmix) a mini snickers bar left over from last week and a packet of chewing gum as the wording on the mini box says "MAGIC".
Even better than that today I have received two parcels. Now the "idiots?" are always receiving parcels but I very rarely do. My parcels came quite early so I placed them behind my desk. Each "idiot?" in there turn has paid my parcels attention they are intrigued to know what's inside. The parcels have been studied turned around and the labels looked at.Boy would they be disappointed to find out one is white wicker laundry bin and the other is a Black and Decker hand held vacuum cleaner.Some of the parcels I have received for the "idiots?" are as followes. A set of four tyres for a jeep. A golf club. A banjo. Several guitars. numerous Mobile phones. numerous T'shirts. Shoes.Trains. A television.several cameras.And a partridge in a pear tree.

Mad start to the day

2010-05-26T05:43:00.000-07:00

Oh my god what a mad start to the day today. In I came with all good intentions opened the door and set up the float etc. Put the kettle on and then got out the vacuum cleaner. I do like a nice clean start to the day. All the "idiots?" were busy next door playing with the thermo former and some whiterock so all was well or so I thought. I had vacuumed about half of the show room before I noticed the bloody great puddle on the floor. Up I looked and yes of course it was coming through the ceiling from the flats above. Not a surprise because bob the builder would have made a better job of the conversion.I am now working with no lights because the water tracked through the electricity ducts and I'm afraid to turn them on. If we have to redecorate I'm calling in the professionals I can't go through the wallpapering saga ever again. I'm hoping that we can resume normal service tomorrow because "idiotis" the god of dust is due back from his holiday. I'm not sure if his delicate constitution would be able to cope with the upheavel.

Just too much trouble!

2010-05-25T08:04:00.000-07:00

Today one of my fellow co. workers "idiot?" came mincing through the showroom. "Ha" he said "I thought you were in trouble" "WHAT?" says I and looked up.There he was carrying a loo roll to the loo by his office (The loo only he uses for reasons that shall remain unprinted) "I thought I had taken the last loo roll" he says. But no I am wiser than that I had purchased a pack of 9 last night on the way home along with some milk and tea bags the essentials all workers require. But of course I am the only one who can purchase such items I would never rely on the "IDIOTS?" to replenish the stocks. I thought no more of our conversation until just now when I went to spend a penny. There was the bag he had removed the loo roll from left on the side. I can't believe he took the last roll and just put the bag back for someone else to dispose of.When I asked him why he just shrugged his shoulders and denied it.

I previously blogged that a fellow co. worker "idiot?" who likes to attend funerals had informed me that he would need to attend a gathering last week. I am pleased but not surprised to inform you that because I told him he could only attend the service and not partake of tea and sandwiches afterwards he decided not to attend. I shall await the local free paper tomorrow and consider his requests for compassionate leave once he has read the hatch match and dispatch columns.

Stupid or what?

2010-05-18T08:14:00.000-07:00

In came the chap today that does all our sign writing. One of my fellow co. workers "idiot?" who is making heavy weather of fitting a flue on his house for a log burner saw an opportunity to perhaps borrow a piece of equipment that could make this job a little easier. "Hey" he asked "is your cherry picker manual?" at this I burst out laughing and said "surely a manual cherry picker is a ladder?" Of course the cherry picker is fully automated as you would expect. But I have decided the best solution to my fellow co. workers problem is to use a manual cherry picker i.e a ladder and I have volunteered to help him out by holding the bottom.

busted

2010-05-12T08:26:00.000-07:00

Oh no I think I've been busted by one of my fellow co. workers "idiots?" Today he has dropped into the conversation more than once references I have made in my blog that could and do refer to him. I'm not sure this fellow co. worker is as humorous as I had anticipated. He really doesn't seem to understand when I take the p*** out of people I mean it in jest.I have told him about my blog and that I have blogged items that refer to him but he said he wasn't interested. Now I fear he's read the blog and doesn't like what he reads. OH NO I've just realised he's probably reading this. What shall I do edit my blog and NOT refer to this fellow co. worker "idiot?" in the future? No after careful consideration I think I will just carry on as normal and if the "idiot" cap fits then he will just have to wear it. I just can't suppress my urge for blog therapy.

Alone again

2010-05-10T09:13:00.000-07:00

Just as you get used to having help around the place here I am on my own again. One of my fellow co. workers unfortunately is off sick and the other doesn't work a Monday afternoon. I in my wisdom thought today would be quiet and it turned out to be really busy. My fellow co. worker who doesn't work a Monday afternoon is off on holiday next week. What with the volcanic ash and the state of the economy in Greece he's bagged himself a bargain (or not as the case maybe.) I think I better practice this week by making all the tea and serving all the customers just in case the volcanic ash means he's stuck in an air port for weeks on end. Or the fact that he'll have a few euros to spend in Greece will make him a new Greek God "IDIOTIS" the god of ash. You never know he may not return to work with me ever again.
Today my other fellow co. worker whom I have previously informed followers of my blog before is a serial funeral attender informed me that some random woman he knew years ago has died and he will obviously need to attend her funeral next week. I have informed him he may attend the service but he's not even to consider attending the affair afterwards for his customary sandwich because pain in the ass that he is he's better than nothing to help me mind the shop. I will keep you informed on how things go with this matter. He may throw one of his hissy fits jump up and down and disappear for hours on end as is his want!

re-arrange your face!!

2010-05-06T04:51:00.000-07:00

Today we have had challenging (to say the least) customers. My fellow co. worker "idiot?" and I have done our best to deal with there queries as they have occurred.The only problem being my fellow co. worker "idiot?" has a very expressive face. Earlier a lady came in and asked a difficult question. My fellow co. worker "idiot?" reeved up his nose rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders he then proceeded to unravel himself to pander to her whim. Unfortunately she witnessed these actions flapped her arms and started to huff and make her way towards the door. I calmly looked up from my paperwork and started to answer her question. After she had left to think things through my fellow co. worker told me he thought she had insulted his intelligence. I proceeded to to inform him I think it was maybe his body language that she objected to.After a brief interlude my fellow co. worker "idiot?" said aloud to no one in particular "may be there's something wrong with me." I couldn't think of a polite answer so just let it go over my head. I am going to see if there is a course available to teach him to say the correct things whilst controlling his body language whilst breathing in and out.I don't know if he will be able to manage all of these things but I think we should give it a try.

watering the blue bells

2010-04-21T05:14:00.000-07:00

Two of my fellow co. workers "idiots?" had a busy day out and about yesterday. In they came at about four o'clock to do the paperwork. We had a cuppa to ease the brains into gear. Then one of my fellow co. workers "idiots?" came out with the sentence. "When ****n and I had a wee in the lane. Yes you read that right they had both been so desperate they had parked up the van and both got out and had a wee.The good news is Apparently they used different sides of the van. The van with the name of the company all over it! Every phone call today I am waiting for someone to tell me two of the "idiots?" were exposing themselves in a lane in the Forest of Dean somewhere.I don't know why they just didn't ask a customer if the could use their facilities or go into a public loo somewhere. I can only think they thought if they watered the blue bells it would help them flower!

Just this week

2010-04-20T03:40:00.000-07:00

This last week has been quite interesting with the "idiots?." The other day one of my fellow co. workers "idiots?" who works in the showroom with me said "..ck I have a problem, I can't wear these shoes any more" so I looked at his shoes and fair enough the top and bottom were a separate item. so he continued to tell me "I have a choice either I can wear white trainers or steel toe capped boots (fairly battered). "OH NO" I replied "white trainers and black trousers you'll look a right wally" (I have a delicate way with words!) "and steel toe capped boots is definite no no". I gave it some thought and decided if it had to be white trainers then a decent pair of jeans and white trainers until pay day would suffice. We came to work the next day and I was expectng my fellow co. worker to be dressed in a more casual fashion than usual but in the way we had agreed.I was surprised to notice him sporting the smart black shoes he had worn to work the first week and declared unwearable because they were uncomfortable. I haven't mentioned it to him but I am wondering what was the point of the debate about his footwear if he wasn't going to wear trainers and jeans after all.

This week started off in the usual Monday way. You know what I mean lots of problems and things to sort. In wandered one of my other fellow co. workers "idiots?" 45 minutes after everyone else. I could tell by the look on his face we were starting the week with an ailment. Not unusual I hear you say as I have blogged about this hypochondriach before. Well yesterday when I went in to his office he was sitting there with his finger all plastered up he was holding it out from his body so we could all see he had a "baddie" after a couple of hours of him wafting the offending finger about so I would ask I enquired about the "baddie" apparently he was cutting a washer because he was too tight to purchas the correct fixings for a tap and the knife slipped and caused the "baddie". I wish I hadn't enquired I should have known better. Because he then proceeded to tell me not only did he have the "baddie" he had burned his arm on the blow torch and he had a headache. Today the "baddie" is still bandaged up but we are focusing on the burn for the attention.

Pointless waste of road tax.

2010-04-12T04:22:00.000-07:00

Friday afternoon one of my fellow co. workers "idiots?" went to do a measure and collect the samples from a customer. In she came today to return the samples "OH" says I. "I thought "idiot?" was collecting those on Friday when he did your measure." "Yes" she said "But when he measured he said he didn't have his van so could I return them today." I still can't get my head around the fact he asked the customer to drive three miles to the shop to return the samples because he didn't want to put them in the boot of his merc. Surely it's not rocket science to take the sampling in the car and transfer it to the van? but it was obviously too complicated for him to grasp! and now it's got even more complicated because he has failed to transfer the measure sheet from the car to the van so the poor customer can't even have her job priced. Thank god she did return the samples because who knows when the Merc. will come out of the garage again

No more chocolate

2010-04-05T11:34:00.000-07:00

That's it Easter's well and truly over. Back to the day job tomorrow. I would like to say back to the "idiots?" but I'll tell you what they're cleverer than I give them credit for. Why? you may ask yourself. Because they are all on holiday this week except for me "boss idiot? husband" new "idiot?" and the subbies the rest of them will all be enjoying a lie in tomorrow. I feel a bit sorry for them really they're only prolonging the inevitable they have to come back some time so it might as well be tomorrow. I'm sure me "boss husband idiot?" new "idiot?" or shop as I like to call him will manage just fine. The stock take will be finalised and everything set up for our new year. The tea run will be much smaller, the washing up much less. Really I'm selling this to myself this week might just be easier with less "idiots?" to worry about!

Ashes to Ashes

2010-04-03T06:07:00.000-07:00

I don't know if any of you watched the new series of Ashes to Ashes that started last night. I did hence the title of today's blog. You see I think I may be like Alex Drake. Not in looks unfortunately but I think I might have some how reverted to the 1980's.
My new fellow co. worker "possible idiot?" is really nice. He's got a great sense of humour and he knows a bit about the job so can relate to customers with just a little bit of guidance from me when required. All good you're thinking. BUT every now and then he reverts to a boy of about thirteen (instead of the thirty five year old he should be) We will be going along nicely and then all of a sudden he will say something I haven't heard since I was in the first year at secondary school. This first happened in the second week he worked with me. I was asking about previous jobs he's had and why he left them. And out he came with "They just didn't give a flying f***" I hadn't heard that expression for at least twenty years. And then another day the boys were have a laugh being a bit rude and out he came with "Giving a bo**r"(fill in the blanks yourself) And then on Thursday M*** had done a site survey for wood and he thought the room was damp. I wrote on the sheet smelled damp. My new fellow co. worker changed it to smelled a dump! Now I don't know what to do he's still on trial so I'm still deciding whether he's the man/boy for the job. In many ways he's invaluable he cuts off the stock helps with deliveries and is willing to help the other "idiots?" in any way he can. Should I phone his mum and check he is thirty five and not thirteen? should I Waite and see if Gene Hunt and the boys turn up in the Quattro? (this will confirm I have reverted to the 1980's) or should I drag him into 2010 kicking and screaming? I think I'll ask the easter bunny.

Communication resumed!

2010-03-29T08:05:00.000-07:00

Oh dear I think my fellow co. workers must read my blog because communication is back to normal today. In came fellow co. worker from Wales moaning and groaning like he's the only one in the world that ever encounters problems in his life. Then in meandered fellow co. wok er "idiot?" who thinks he's the only one that put his clocks back on the weekend. All he's done all day is tell me what time it should be and tell me how he's missing his hour. Then because he's got to work the weekend he told me he thinks he'll have Tuesday off, oh and that he wont have a van next week because his wife's car is being fixed so he doesn't think he should do any measures because he will have to use his merc.Why is his wife's car being fixed? you are asking yourself. Because he rear ended another car in it! Why is the van his to do with what he wants? you are asking yourself. Because he totalled the van we bought for his use by crashing it head on. Why does he not want to use the merc.? you are enquiring. Because it's safer in the garage gathering dust than it is with him behind the wheel. Beware I you see a funny little man "idiot?" driving a merc. around town next week keep out of his way.

Communication (lack of!)

2010-03-26T06:03:00.000-07:00

I am experiencing a very weird time in my life. I don't know if it's me or the "idiots?" but we don't seem to be on the same wave length. This week alone I have asked a fellow co. worker "idiot?" to go and move a door bar for a customer. In she came yesterday and said "haven't you noticed I haven't paid you?" "NO" says I "you have thirty days from your invoice date so it's not Overdue" "well your fitter hasn't moved my door bar and I'm not paying until he does."I asked him this morning why he hadn't done this and he told me "He wasn't wasting his time" when they should just have the door cut. I told him the customers always right and he went back today - job done-.Earlier today I discussed with another fellow co. worker "idiot?" a two hour window that we could use to catch up with paper work I'm still waiting and it's nearly time to go home so I guess that's not going to get done. At lunch time today another fellow co. worker rushed in to start his afternoon shift he was five minutes early so I'm not sure why he was so panicked about the time. He put his hand in his pocket and felt for his mobile and out came his house phone. It's been like that all week I'm not sure if it's them or me but I'm starting to worry a bit.

No Free Freddo!

2010-03-19T09:25:00.000-07:00

What a disappointment today we had the delivery of our staionery ready for the start of another new year for me and the "idiots?". Usually the stationery gets delivered by the company we order off and there is always free chocolate. Today I was banking on my free freddo bar like I had with the last delivery.But NO the company used a courier and I didn't get any free chocolate. Either the delivery man has eaten it or they are using the money they spent on chocolate to pay for the courier.Either way I'm not happy!

Bed knobs and broom sticks

2010-03-18T05:53:00.000-07:00

I don't know what has occurred but I think me and the "idiots?" have entered a parallel universe. It all started this morning at home hubby "idiot?" made me a sandwich for work when he knew full well I had saved some left overs from tea last night to warm up in the microwave for lunch. I got up extra early this morning so I wouldn't be late because the "idiots?" take the pi** as I do to them when they are late.But I was late any way first we had bathroom wars to contend with and then I had to follow a cyclist nearly all the way in. And then when I got here I wish I hadn't bothered. New assistant fellow co. worker "idiot?" had not been woken by his alarm and is not really with it and he's got a serious case of bed hair. the "idiots?" are waiting for a delivery that should have arrived yesterday and has still not arrived as write this at lunch time.And some feature strips for a job today are not the right colour. One of the "idiots?" is prepared to drive to Evesham to change them but they can't be exchanged until the tape recording of the order has been located and we are sent a copy by e-mail to verify the company has not made a mistake that it's the "idiot?" who placed the order who is wrong! Never mind the customer is waiting for us to sort this as quickly as we can 'cause she can't have her floor fitted without the strips. I really don't know what it's all coming to all the have to do is replace the wrong colour with the right colour and job done.

The "idiots?" are letting me down

2010-03-12T01:22:00.000-08:00

Bad news the "idiots?" have not been around much for the last couple weeks so there has not been much funny stuff to blog about all work and no play and all that.
SO I have been thinking about funny scenarios that have happened in the past.This is one that happened to me a couple of years ago.
I know this is hard to believe but it was a very warm sunny day and I was serving in the warehouse. I was wearing an expensive pair of black trousers with a rear zip and a top that didn't cover the bum area.
I'm throwing samples around for the customer to select from stretching here and there and giving it my all. After about twenty minutes the customer says to me "you have a problem around the back dear" so I looked at the back door of the warehouse. I couldn't see anything amiss so I carried on with the patter. The customer says once again "You have a problem at the back dear" once again I looked at the back door. "No dear YOU have a problem at the back." Some how the penny dropped and I felt my behind. For god knows how long I had been showing my not so special not at all sexy underwear to all and sundry. We hurredly finished and off she went with samples. I relayed to a fellwo co. worker "idiot?" my problem and went home to change my trousers. On my return the show room had a que of people waiting to be served. Instead of him just getting on with it until I got back my fellow co. worker had informed all of them of my dilemma and they were all waiting for me to serve them. I have no idea how long my zip had been broken I could have been showing all for most of the day and people were just to polite or embarrassed to tell me. It didn't get any better either because the customer who had full view of my undergarments never made an order, and I binned the trousers because I will never risk a back zip again!

You can't kid a kidder

2010-03-02T05:10:00.000-08:00

I am often repeating the phrase you can't kid a kidder. I am not stupid and I know when some one is not strictly telling me the truth. I can baffle with bulls*** as good as the next man. One of my fellow co. workers ("Idiots?") has now made me use this phrase again as I am typing this. The phone has just rung and of course it was some one he should have rung back hours ago. I apologised and put her through to his office. Out he bobbed after and said "I was just ringing her honestly" "NO you weren't" said I. "yes I was he argued" "NO you weren't because if you were the phone wouldn't have rung in your office" "well I heard the phone ring and put the receiver down my end just in case it was for me". I know and he knows this is so not true the phone rings for ages and ages and he doesn't answer it even when it's right next to him let alone in another part of the building!

Blond

2010-02-22T07:12:00.000-08:00

Today was the great unveiling of a new product in our show room. We have invested in new display units that have a running video on the virtues of buying British wool products. The video starts in the fields of Darbyshire and the shearing of the sheep. This morning a rep.was in having coffee and a chat. I drew her attention to the new stand "Oh that's lovely" she said "but what do fields and sheep have to do with carpet?" After laughing at her I reminded her that wool comes from sheep "doh!" I had to forgive her because she doesn't work for a carpet supplier and she has very blond hair.

Mystery solved?

2010-02-21T06:59:00.000-08:00

Way back in July last year I posted about a mysterious event. One of my fellow co. workers ("idiots?") had sold a brown rem. and when we had tried to organise the fitting of this mysterious piece of carpet it had disappeared off the face of the earth. Last Thursday my new fellow co. worker ("idiot?") and myself decided that we would re-roll (that's the royal we because I can't handle the rems. there too heavy for me!) the rems and make sure they were all priced. And guess what lo and behold the brown rem. reappeared. Like a fool I said to my new fellow co. worker "where did that come from?" he just looked at me a bit weird because of course he didn't know about the great mystery. I honestly have no idea where he found it I'm just glad the mystery is solved. No more sleepless nights wondering what happened to brown rem. any more.

Thwarated by the bloody weather again!

2010-02-18T07:42:00.000-08:00

Is it never going to end? That's how I feel about the weather. Once again the trusty four by four has been called in to action. Twice today some of my fellow co. workers ("idiots?") have tried to get to site in the van. Twice this has been a no go. So here I sit with no wheels as the trusty four by four has been loaded with work gear and gone into action.Am I alone you are asking yourself. NO my new fellow co. worker ("idiot?) lives within walking distance so I have company. But as usual my fellow co. worker who always runs home in terror at the first flake of snow is long gone!

Anxious to impress

2010-02-15T06:51:00.000-08:00

My newly employed sales man come estimator is anxious to impress me with his knowledge. He has worked in two carpet outlets before so knows a bit about the products and is familiar with pricing. I have heard the sentence before a little knowledge can be dangerous. On Friday we were looking at carpet ranges so he could familiarise himself with our product range. "Of course" he said "these are obviously all 1/10th gauge because you have written it on the label. "No" I said "That was the date they were priced January(1) and 2010 (10). He has worked with me now for two full days and two half days. I have noticed that if I let him run with his over exuberance for the first hour he soon calms down and by the time he has done three hours he is almost in a stupor. I am looking forward to the day he comes in and doesn't try to impress.

Saturday working

2010-02-13T04:34:00.001-08:00

I have taken on a new "idiot?" fellow co. worker who is hopefully going to work most of the Saturdays in the shop. So I have now picked up my bag put on my coat and hopefully this is the last Saturday I have to work in a while. I am hoping this fellow co. worker "idiot?" is the answer to my prayers. But I am reserving judgement for now. He could turn out to be the biggest idiot yet!

Just like the weather

2010-02-05T07:02:00.000-08:00

I have blogged many times about a fellow co. worker ("idiot?") who is so moody I can't put up with him. Well today I have decided he's as unpredictable as the weather. He's not having a good time at the moment. He's had man flu like me and his van has blown a watcha ma callit and so will go now where this week. So he would have an excuse to be moody and bad tempered. But is he? "NO" today he is every ones best friend and as helpful as he can be. I will never understand the way a mans mind works!

Bad Kneese broken vans and man flu!

2010-02-03T04:58:00.000-08:00

Just when you think things can't get any worse they do! Saturday dawned with an itchy scratchy throat for me. A sure clue that a cold is to follow and it did. so Monday morning in I struggled (no assistant remember) I am interviewing a prospective fellow co. worker at 11 o'clock and I pray he is miracle sent from heaven (he might be I haven't decided yet whether or not to give him a three month trial period.) At about 8.45 the phone rang it was one of my fitters his van had blown a summat or other. But the good news was it was going again. I phoned all the customers to inform them the fitter would be late and carried on regardless. At 9.45 the phone went again it was the same fitter the summat or other had blown again and he was heading back home could I organise for him to borrow a van if he came up in his car? a bit of reorganising achieved this. Against all the odds Monday came and went in haze of broken vans and soggy tissues and olbas oil. Tuesday dawned I still had man flu the van was still broken and I had that de ja vu (that might be spelt wrong!) feeling. Towards lunchtime another fitter came in to the show room who was working today (Wednesday) "I just need to tell you" he said "I have been to the physio and I need to rest my knee, so I can't fit as much as usual." Today (Wednesday) I still have man flu the van is still broken the bad knee is not so bad and I am praying that Friday comes around very quickly.

I will survive

2010-01-31T01:39:00.000-08:00

I know I will survive this period of the unknown unwanted and uncertain.But I can tell you now it is not enjoyable. 2010 seems to have got off to a shaky start. What with the weather the credit crunch and being short staffed I just don't seem to be able to get in to the swing of normality that is my comfort zone.
I have spent the week interviewing prospective "idiots?" fellow co. workers. I have sifted through the applicants thinking I am weeding out the duds and arranging informal interviews with the possibles. It has to be an informal interview because whilst trying to ascertain if the interviewee is remotely any good I am serving the customers and answering endless telephone calls so it would be pointless trying to be formal. It's amazing how people really turn out once you get to chat to them. In bowled one interviewee just like a whirl wind. "Take a seat" says I "This is nothing scary I just a want to tell you about the job and what you would be required to do." I then quickly run over the requirements making sure they understand that holiday and sickness cover is very important. (I have decided I definitely want holidays and I would really like to stay at home when I'm ill, instead of working and taking so much longer to get better.)"No problem" she said. And then we chatted some more. The more we chatted the more eccentric she became. She went on and on about a life changing event that made her want to grab life by horns. This life changing event was why she wanted part time hours, and it only affected her ability to stand for long periods, walk very far, and her eye sight. Of course once I found out all the reasons she would not be very suitable I just wanted to end the agony and get on with my day.I tried all ways I could to end her chatter, but she wouldn't take the hint. At some point she had babbled on about her beautiful pink car she seemed really into the vehicle so I came up with an idea. "I will show you where we take deliveries" I said "It's out in the car park and then you can show me your car." Out we went. I opened the back door of our unit and scanned the car park for her pink car. No pink car to be seen. "what do you think?" she said. I couldn't think of an answer. "Lets have a proper look" I finally came up with. So she took me over to a silver car. It did have a pink gear stick and some pink accents on the interior, but during our chat she had told me it was pink with pink flowers all over it. We finally said our goodbyes and I went back to work. Later that morning I checked my e-mails she had e-mailed me thanking me for my time.She also informed me when she gets the job she will give me a manicure and cut my hair. I am hoping Gok Whan is coming for an interview this week and he can give me total make over.

I've survived the first week

2010-01-22T04:45:00.000-08:00

It's Friday today and I've survived the first week in the showroom on my own without an assistant on Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday. And the doddery assistant on Monday and Friday. On the whole it's not been too bad, helped considerably on Wednesday by the weather I have managed to do everything I needed to. The major downsides to being on my own are firstly and most importantly I can't use the ladies powder room without making a grand entrance in to the warehouse to greet whom ever has entered whilst I am powdering my nose. I don't know why but someone always does come in whilst I am making use of the facilities. I usually make some Witty comment about even the queen needing to use the loo, and sometimes I get a smile other times I get a grim look as if to say "my god what are you on?" other times by the time I've washed my hands and swept into the warehouse they've turned around and left the building!The other downsides to being on my Larry are I have to serve every customer and take every delivery. At times this week I have considered that if I don't get an assistant I could lose a couple of stone from all the running around and not having time to eat so this could be an added bonus. I have started to speak to prospective assistance on the telephone today. So far it looks like it might take a while to find someone.