I don't bloody believe it

Yesterday in mooched a fellow co. worker "idiot?". He ummed and ahhed a bit. And then said "I don't feel too good today. Is it all right if I work until lunch time and then go home?" I looked at him and believe it or not I fell for it. I thought oh he looks unwell so I agreed. As the morning went on the "idiot?" fellow co. worker got brighter and brighter and completely forgot the dying swan act. At about 12.30 he walked past my desk with his sandwiches in his hand. Hang on thought I, your working until lunch time but you're eating your lunch in the hours your working. Summats not right. Then the telephone rang. A mysterious stranger was meeting my fellow co. worker at 1 o'clock. The fellow co. worker wasn't ill at all the bloody "idiot?" hadn't thought this through at all. It was obvious he had arranged to meet this guy for one reason or another and had decided in his wisdom to pretend he was poorly to gain the afternoon off without argument. Today this fellow co. worker mooched in again. Absolutely steaming angry because the mysterious stranger hadn't actually purchased the item he had viewed yesterday that was for sale on e-bay. You would think he would at least have had the decency to carry on the charade for a couple of days instead of completely taking the piss!