Funny rep.story

I am very lucky to have a rep.(one of many) who I really get on with. He's got two little boys and Wednesday he came in and told me a really funny story. Whilst he was on holiday a couple of weeks ago. His wife enquired if they could go in to town and do some shopping and have a nice meal. Even though like most men he detests shopping he agreed. So off they went. He was in charge of making sure the boys behaved and his wife was left her own devices. The youngest of the two boys is going through the stage where he's fascinated by toilets. So when they got to the restaurant he asked once again to be taken to the loo, he was told as it was so near he could go on his own "I'm sure he only wants to look" the worried mummy was told by hubby. They chatted a while and then the stable doors to toilets swung open, out backed a small boy with his trousers around his ankles who enquired for all the restaurant to hear "Will you wipe my bum daddy?" the waiter laughed and came over with free drinks for mummy and daddy and free ice cream for the boys purely for the entertainment value!

Out numbered

I'm feeling outnumbered by my fellow co. workers "idiots?" I'm tired and they're really getting on my nerves. There is way too much testosterone in this place and I crave female company. This morning one of the "idiots?" says to me "I've found something interesting in this tool catalogue you might like." I suspected I wouldn't. I was right he rattled on about waterproof gussets and clip on clip off front. It was a bloody light switch. What's interesting about that? I swished my chair around and pretended to be busy. The next minute he waffled on about the virtues of a good red wine he'd drunk but he couldn't remember the name. What's interesting about that? and so the morning dragged on. Then in came a customer to look at a vinyl she'd selected. "Can't find it" he mumbled. "I need to check the quality" she was chirping. So up I jumped "I'll have a look" I said. I was thinking as I went to check the samples I bet it's there. But if it's not I can show her the quality any way on another design, because regardless of the design the range quality was what she was most worried about. Of course it was there. The customer whispered in my ear "why didn't he think to show me the quality even if the design wasn't there?" all I could think of to answer her was "because he's a man!"

If you want a job doing do it yourself

Oh dear
I think I've gone and upset one of my fellow co.workers "idiot?" again. I asked him to go outside and clear the weeds that had popped up outside the showroom. He bustled about and then came and stood by the desk. "ok" he said "where are the gardening tools?" "what gardening tools?" I replied "you don't need any. Just avoid the traffic and pull!" that went down like a lead balloon. The shoulders were shrugged the eyes rolled and off he huffed. Earlier the same fellow co. worker "idiot?" had enquired "would you be offended if I brought in a cordless phone? it's ridiculous out there. there's never a pen and paper by the phone in the unit." I just looked at him in wonder. I then told him how I have managed and still manage when he's not here. I picked up a pen and popped it behind my ear. I then showed him my hand. "There you go I said you don't need a cordless phone. A pen behind your ear and a hand to write on is all you require." The "idiot?" in question has now pulled the weeds and is avoiding my like the plague.

I don't think I'm in any danger!

I know I keep banging on about my fellow co. worker "idiot?" who suffers from hypochondria but he really is driving me up the bloody wall. Last Tuesday
in he came wearing the now famous christmas cardi with fur trimmed hood. My god he must have been boiling because the weather was so humid. He strutted about waiting for someone to notice and enquire why he was wearing this item at the height of summer. Eventually someone did. "I'm not well" they were informed. Of course as the day wore on he forgot and things got as near to normal as they can in here. By four o'clock I thought we were home and dry. BUT NO all of a sudden he remembered he was ill and spent the next hour mooning about hoping for sympathy. Wednesday morning he came to work and was going to a meeting that would take most of the day. For the first half hour he acted poorly and then he completely forgot. During that day he spoke several times to my fellow co. workers as right as ninepunce. Then once again he remembered he was ill in the afternoon. Thursday and Friday were great -He was on holiday- This morning at 8.30 the phone went it was him. "I'm ill I've got to go to the doctors." I couldn't believe it why didn't he go Thursday of Friday in his own bloody time? instead of cocking up my day!
I can't remember at what point last week he wanted a cup of tea and he had the cheek to say to me "you don't want me to make you one in case you catch it" I told him in no uncertain terms "you cannot catch hypochondria.Here is my cup put a tea bag in it and hot water and milk on top" and you know what? I never caught a thing.

Utter rubbish

Monday this weeek was a disaster. The "idiots?" and I had a major crisis. They were out fitting in a school and the carpet needed to colour match because it was being joined in places. "Chief boss husband idiot?" phoned in to tell me they didn't colour match. I hadn't placed the order and didn't know what the "idiot?" who placed the order had asked for. If he hadn't asked for a colour match we were in major shit. We were in the shit anyway because of the timing factor but this could be really bad. was the fellow co. worker "idiot?" here to sort it out? NO he had gone on a QUICK MEASURE over an hour before the first telephone call. "Don't worry" says I "he can't be much longer." so every two minutes after that I got a phone call "is he back yet?" "NO if he was you would have heard." Of course we were phoning his mobile phone but that was sat in the van sunning itself on the seat! After numerous phone calls every two minutes I got my bum in a knot and told "chief boss husband idiot?" "I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS" and off I went in search of the missing "idiot?". I drove down to the industrial estate where he was supposed to be doing the QUICK measure. I had no idea where the unit was we where he was supposed to be. Eventually I spotted his van. I zoomed in to the car park where he was. Of course there was loads of tradesman about doing whatever tradesman do. In to the building I went. I stood and listened. I could hear him talking but I needed to track him down upstairs or downstairs? now I think about it I did a great job wending myself through the building to the sound of his voice. There he was having a merry old time chatting away with a painter. In I stomped and said through gritted teeth "WILL YOU PLEASE COME BACK TO THE SHOP NOW. WE ARE HAVING A CRISIS YOU NEED TO SOLVE AND I HAVE BEEN PHONING YOU FOR OVER AN HOUR AND THIRTY MINUTES." He looked at me with his usual gormless expression and said "OK" I turned on my heel and swished out. I could hear the painter saying to me as swished "All right ****" I had no idea who he was I hadn't even looked at him in my haste to get in and out. It turned out to be the customer who owned the building OOOPS. Whilst driving back I kept looking in my mirror to see if he had obeyed my request and had acutually dragged himself away. He showed up about five minutes after me. I suppose he thought he was hurrying!!

All work and no play

It seems to be all work and no play for me and the "idiots?" right now. As is the norm. it's all or nothing. So a lot of the time I'm on my own in the shop as my able assistant is obviously too able and is helping on the tools. This leaves me with fellow co. worker "hypochondriac idiot?" who this morning is mooning about rubbing his belly and belching loudly every five minutes. I'm not sure who feels the most delicate him or me? but if he continues to moon about belching I'm definatley going to vomit!!

It's taking me a while to type this between customers and I think I have good news. "hypochondric idiot?" has been out on a measure. And since his return he's forgotton he feels ill, so I think I will be alright. Unless he remembers as he sometimes does and then I'll be back to square one. You think I'm fibbing I know. But I'm not. Many a day he has limped in using a walking stick saying he's got a very bad sprain but he'll soldier on. And I guarantee you by 11 o'clock he's forgotten to limp. And then suddenly he'll remember and start limping again only he can't remember which foot so he limps on one and then the other just in case. He's the same with a cold he sniffs and snuffles and coughs and moans and then he forgets for a while.And then he'll sniff snuffle and make himself cough, I've seen him try to counjour up a cough so hard it makes him retch. What a wally!!